Fed Calls for Shaved Head, Booker Leaves Country

In the most recent Fed statement, and I am not making this up, they said:

The Committee expects inflation to moderate in coming quarters, reflecting a projected leveling-out of energy and other commodity prices...

What the crap?  Who is writing this stuff? 

Here's my guess as to what the Fed statement says today:

Release Date: June 25, 2008

    For immediate release

The Federal Open Market Committee decided today to lower its target for the federal funds rate 325 basis points to -1.25 percent.

Recent information indicates that economic activity remains non existent. Household and business spending has been "subdued," which is a French word that means "totally crappy."  Labor markets have softened further, but are still crispy on the outside, thus creating a taste sensation that will take the financial world by storm. Financial markets remain under considerable stress, and we suppose that perhaps, there maybe, just might be, some regular people that are having a hard time making ends meet.

We, of course, don't know any "regular people," so we'll continue to focus on some other things.

Although we don't take energy or food into account when we measure inflation, because we don't eat or put gas in our cars, we want to emphasize that movie tickets are too expensive.  Could somebody do something about that?  I can't see "Kung Fed Panda" AND the new "Indiana Jones and the Economy of Doom" movies unless I go to a matinée.  I can't take that much time off work.  What do you think, I'm a congressman?

Ok, here's the deal: please take your home off the market.  That'll cool things down, and remember, if you stop paying your mortgage, it won't matter anyway because your mortgage company doesn't exist anymore.  And stop driving, flying, eating corn, wheat, beans, meat, or vegetables, or going to the midwest, selling stocks, buying bonds, or complaining about anything ever. 

I had some other things to say, but I gotta run.  The movie starts in a half hour.